Pointless?

I’ve been thinking.  If I want a job the odds will be against me.  Think about it this way.  I need experience and if I can’t find a job how will I gain some experience?  It defeats the person.  I wish things were easier for me.  I hate working with somebody else to help me obtain a job, but I need someone fighting for me.  It appears I can’t sufficiently fend for myself for interviews.  How pathetic is that?  I just want to find easily without being considered retarded or something else.  I want to be more independent when it comes to that.  Finding a job is the most important thing for me and it should be.  I feel like a parasite.  Leeching off of the government because of my lackluster shortcomings.  Wish me luck I guess.  I’m going to need it.  

I Have No Say In Anything

I need to avoid all social media sites because I have no right to speak my mind.  Everything I post on Facebook goes completely ignored, but someone can post the most idiotic thing and gets input.  I asked if I could see a high school book, but everyone is too good for a retarded bastard like me.  I’m tired of not being liked by anyone.  I feel completely alone and deactivated my Facebook for good this time.  I’m just pissed for not mattering to at least one other person.

I Don’t Matter to a Single Soul

I don’t know what to do.  I want to be happy and carefree, but I have too many worries.  Things would be a tad better if I had someone to talk to.  I feel completely isolated and I hate it.  I’m a good person, but something’s not right.  I’m left on my own with barely any skills to get by.  Why am I even still here?  It’s confusing for me.

Listening to what got me into music.  Who is it?  Flyleaf’s debut way back in 2006.  Time sure does fly.

Why Do It?

I’m nervous.  My surgery is Thursday around noon and I can’t eat breakfast or lunch.  That’s going to be difficult, but I’ll manage.  Originally I wanted to blog about something else, bug I refuse to preach my beliefs and values.  My input means jackshit anyways.  Just like my life.  Now it turned into a pity party.  Oh what fun.  Well, anyways I tucked my right hand which means I can’t blog on my computer.  I’m forced to do it on my phone and that’s how it’s going to be for 3 months.  Fuck this!

Who Will Take Me Seriously?

Why doesn’t anyone have any faith in me?  I’m seriously willing to give up cutting because of what it does to me, but no one ever listens to what I have to say.  It’s irritating, but what can I do about it?  I wish at least one person actually listen to what I have to see.  Is that asking for too much?  That seems to be the case.

Listening to The Re-Arrival by Deadlock

Worst Decision I’ve Ever Made?

So I agreed to be in intense treatment in 2014 and that backfired completely.  If I didn’t agree to it I’d have a he’ll of a lot more freedom than I do right now.  They fucked my life up.  Now I have no rights at all and it’s unfair.  I don’t get anyone else involved with my life so why the protection?  I don’t need it.  I can take care of myself.  No one believes me though and that’s a serious problem, but I’m powerless to do anything about it.  At least now.  Just one question.  How do I Regain my freedom because I desperately need it?

Listening To: All Shall Perish-  This Is Where It Ends

Danger: Contents Under Pressure!

I need freedom to be happy.  Not restrictions!  That’s what barely anyone understands.  I get worse as I slowly get my freedom taken away and it’s irritating me that nobody sees that.  When will someone understand?  Likely never because no one ever listens to me.  I’m annoyed on how everyone treats me like an idiot and like my rights are nonexistent.  I’m just as important as anyone else.  Some people just pies me off.

How Can I Regain Much Needed Trust?

No one trusts me anymore.  I want to go back to my sister’s place, but certain people think that I can’t keep myself safe.  Fuck them!  No one knows what’s going on in my head.  The truth is that I want to give up on cutting.  Anemia isn’t fun and because of that cutting cab make me feel weak.  I don’t enjoy that feeling at all.  Can I convince at least one person on how serious I am about putting this all behind me?  I doubt it.

Anxiety’s Giving Me Back Pain and a Headache

I’m leaving in 13 minutes, but I have to settle down.  I’m extremely anxious and I don’t know how to calm down.  I should just call this off because I’m willing to call everything off.  I’m insignificant and a nuisance.  I just want to get a job so I can run away.  I’m disappointed in myself.  I’m trying to remain strong, but I will breakdown any day now.  How unfortunate.  There’s also a chance I might walk out of my appointment.  I’m going to show everyone that I’m not a carpet to walk on.

I Hate Laying Down At Night

I’m sitting here and it’s almost 8:00 in the morning.  I’m bored and listening to Senses Fail for some reason.  I wish I knew what to do today.  I just can’t wait for 2 weeks.  I need a job now!  It’s cold outside for some reason and I can’t use that as an excuse.  If I do get that job that’d be nice, but if I don’t get it I’m scared of what will happen.  I should remain strong and fight these feelings of mine.  I hate laying down at night because I have suicidal thoughts.  I won’t act on them though.  Why not?  I don’t want to be more of a burden than I am now.  If I kill myself then I’ll just create more of a financial burden to my family.  I don’t want that and for good reason.