Pointless?

I’ve been thinking.  If I want a job the odds will be against me.  Think about it this way.  I need experience and if I can’t find a job how will I gain some experience?  It defeats the person.  I wish things were easier for me.  I hate working with somebody else to help me obtain a job, but I need someone fighting for me.  It appears I can’t sufficiently fend for myself for interviews.  How pathetic is that?  I just want to find easily without being considered retarded or something else.  I want to be more independent when it comes to that.  Finding a job is the most important thing for me and it should be.  I feel like a parasite.  Leeching off of the government because of my lackluster shortcomings.  Wish me luck I guess.  I’m going to need it.  

I Need to Stop Lying to Save My Own Skin

I want to find a way to get some kind of enjoyment out of my life.  I’m 31 years old and I still don’t want I want.  How sad is that?  I want to say it could be worse, but if some thing’s don’t improve then it likely will.  I’m can only type one-handed right now until my finger feels better so I likely won’t be typing much until it doesn’t hurt when I put pressure on it.  That may be a good thing though because nobody wants to hear me complain.  It seems like that’s all I’ve doing for the past month or so.  I’m stuck in this home, but I’ll still manage to do what I feel like doing.  I’m free to do what I please when I’m not in the house.  They did search for razors today, but I hid them in a very good place and they’re still in my possession.  I don’t know if I’m going to use them tomorrow, but if I do I have to be prepared for whatever.  That means a towel and a change of clothes.  I can’t find any type of dressing locally so I’ll be without that.  I’m cutting fairly deep, but I’m intentionally telling other people about too late for stitches or anything.  I want my left arm to look as fucked as possible.  I have no intention of living in my 40’s or even 33.  I want a job to give me more options to hurt myself.  Even if I have to do it illegally.