I’m So Tired

It’s getting harder to fall asleep at night again.  I should call someone so I can schedule an appointment to get back on sleep medication.  I don’t know if that is worth it though.  I do want to sleep again and actually stay asleep for once though.  I’ll give this a couple of more days to see whether I should schedule an appointment or not.  Other than that everything’s okay.  I’m so tired.

Follow My Heart?

Follow my heart?  What’s that supposed to mean?  I mean it is possible, but how will I know when to approach someone?  I’m scared to be rejected.  I guess that is why I”m still single at 29.  I don’t want a relationship right now though.  I’m just looking for a friend that has similar interests as mine and who knows!  I might meet a woman at the concert I’m going to in March.  I hope so because I’m tired of being single.

Am I Ready?

I am ready for a relationship.  I just have to find the right woman for me and when I do I need to approach her and tell her how I feel.  I’m scared of that though.  I know what I’m looking for though and that’s a start.  I do have a specific woman in mind, but I can’t contact her and I feel lost.  I don’t care who I meet right now as long as we are compatible with each other.  I have nothing to lose so I don’t have to play it safe.

I Need Patience

Things change when you get older.  I don’t speak to people in my past because they don’t want anything to do with me anymore and I don’t understand why.  I guess that’s why it’s so important to find new friends and the only way for me to go that is to go back to groups.  I can work around my work schedule.  I only have 1 regret and that is letting things get out of hand.  Oh well though!  I’ll meet people with similar interests me eventually.  I just need to be patient.

I’m Not Ready

I already know I need a girlfriend and move on.  No one needs to tell me something I already know.  My dad thinks that I should have a full-time job and raise a family.  I’m not ready for that though.  He just doesn’t get it.  What’s wrong with my pace?  I’ll take care of things when it’s destined to or I change my priorities.  It’s all me right now and that won’t change anytime soon.  I should tell my father that.

How Can He Judge Me?

Who I really am is different than my father’s perception of me.  He thinks that I don’t cook for myself, wash my own laundry, and I sit in front of a computer all day.  If only he knew the truth.  He doesn’t know me and I shouldn’t expect him to judge me when he doesn’t even know the facts.  I know I’m just ranting, but I had a 2 hour phone talk with him, because he likes to ramble on about everything, and he still doesn’t know who I am.  I’m done now.  I just had to get this out of my because I have no one to talk to and no therapist.

I Have to Convince Them

I’ve learned that people have a tendency to treat me as if I’m slow.  I know it’s because of the way I talk, but is they anyway I can convince that I’m not what I appear to be?  Doing that is hard work though.  Why would I want to convince them?  I don’t even know what I’m thinking anymore, but I have to see what happens in the future and not let myself get worked up without cause.

Will This Ever End?

I was wrong.  This will never end.  I guess I’m not capable of living on my own after all since I cut recently.  I don’t even know why I still do it because it prevents me from healing.  That’s unavoidable now.  I can always say I can put an end to this, but then I’d be a liar.  I don’t want to be one of those.  I’ll try to stay strong tonight since I have to work in the morning.  If self-harm gets in the way of me working I’ll feel depressed.

I’m Bored

I don’t know what to blog about today.  I could go on about how I wish I was working today, but I think that I’ve been talking about my job too much.  I am happy to be working again though.  I could also go on about my family and attempts to make us a close family with the holidays, but I already talked about that yesterday.  This post is a waste of time, but I’ll post it anyways. Happy holidays!

I Hate This Time of the Year

I hate this time of the year.  I don’t want to be a part of this family anymore and I hate this stress of forcing myself to be kind.  That’s what I do though and I hate it.  If my family wasn’t so dysfunctional then I’d have no problem with them, but I can’t stand several people.  That’s why I’m happy to say that I’m not going to do a single  thing tomorrow other than lay down and listen to music and watch concert dvds.