Reaching Out

I realize I can’t keep doing this alone.  There’s just one problem.  I always feel alone.  I also feel like a complete outcast towards society and I wish there was a way to convince others to be more accepting of me.  I just sent an old acquaintance a message on Facebook and I sincerely hope he responds.  I have a feeling he may so theres that.  What have I done that was so horrible though?  I never hurt anyone.  Yes, I can be a little aggressive when provoked, but I only defend myself.  I don’t go out of my way just to hurt someone.  Damn.  I’ve been living this way for far too long.  I never actually given myself a chance to live.  I’m hoping to do that when I return to my home town.  I need friends and a room mate.  Who would take their chance on me?

There’s a Difference

There’s a difference between white pride and racism.  Those white lives matter people at a NAACP building is a prime example.  Waving the Confederate flag is not a way to voice your opinion.  Why?  That flag represents slavery and it is racist.  They can do things differently to get their point across.  Yes, things are sort of at a mess right with Somme tension in the media, but like I said before.  Everybody needs to work together.  

Something Only People Like Me Will Understand

I like keeping my arms covered for a reason.  It’s not to hide from anyone else, but not to remind myself of my past.  Especially this rather deep, sunken one on my right arm.  I hate looking at it because of its significance.  I came close to dying because of it so why look?  I know it’s all on me and I’m not blaming anyone for my past behavior.  I have something else on my mind, but that has to wait for it to cool down.  I can’t take the heat right now.  Well, to get back on topic what can I do to stop thinking about cutting?  Will I resort to that in the future and finish the job?  It seems likely.  At least to me.  I also have to stop avoiding the subject with family.  Why do they want to know though?  None of them give a shit about me and I know for a fact none of them want to acknowledge me as part of my family.  I feel alone and it hurts more than cutting will.  Maybe people like me are better off dead and stop the overpopulation and slow down the overcomption of limited resources?  I know I need to stop thinking like this, but everyone hates me here as well.  When will I fit in somewhere?

The Simplicity Is Intolerable

Life here is too simple for me.  I can’t go anywhere and I can’t do what I enjoy.  My therapist here told me to focus on me, but that’s selfish and pretty hard for me to do.  I guess I’m still upset at myself for agreeing to it and for allowing things to get to the point it’s at currently.  I am angry at myself to be honest.  I’m in my thirties and life has yet to have begun.  I’m an adult!  I may not act like most of the time, but I’m still one.  Maybe I should stop ranting as well.  Nothing good comes of it.  It’s peaceful outside again so I can think about my future.  If I can manage to live as long as I have I am I’m doing somethings right at least.  That’s not really saying much, unfortunately.  What can I do better?  Show that I care and don’t take my only life for granted?  Some people would be grateful while I am not.  Why is that?  Am I really as selfish as I truly am?

Just Calling It How I See It

There are laws that favor people of color and discriminate against white people.  If a black person says they’re proudf to be black and that’s fine, but if a white person says it thstsd racist.  If a black goes on a rampage and shooter a group of white people that’s not considered a haste crime seven if the black person specifically said thats why they were targeted, but if it’s turned the other way around then it’s automatically ruled a hate crime.  If anything there’s black privilege.  You can disagree with it and call me out on it and I’m okasy with it.  I’m not trying to start anything.  I’m just tired certain races getting free passes on things that would be impossible for a white person to be able to get away with.  Personally I stopped caring about race as a youth.  I had black friends and never thought I was better than them and I want to know how they’re doing.  I would tty Facebook, but my feed is in ruin right now and pretty much alwasy typically.  Well, it’s about to rain so it’s time to go inside.  Ber nice to me please!

People of All Races Need to Work Together!  (We Can Do Amazing Things!)

Racism goes both ways and I’m tired of people saying otherwise.  I wish that humanity wasdkes up and not think about skin color.  I guess that’s why I support biracial couples so much, but that alone won’t solve anything.  Why?  People would just look for other ways to hate one another.  Why are humans so blind?  This really has nothing to deal with race, but if Christians believed in Heaven then why dfo they fear death?  You’d think that eternal happiness would be better than this hellhole called Earth.  Were pretty much destroying our only home.  Even though I believe their has always been climate change because of the ice age to now, but maybe we are speeding up the process.  It scares me more than anything.  I don’t want to see the future.  I know this post is somewhat random, but I have a lot on my mind.  I’ll finish up with this.  No one in this country is really oppressed anymore.  If anything white straight males are because we just are.  Go to another country and see what it feels like to be oppressed.  I’m also fed up with black racists who complain about prejudice towards them.  Treat people how you like to be treated.  It’s sickening how they get away with it just because other races are too scared to confront it and give that bullshit a pass.  If white people can’t discriminate then no race has the right.  I recently this pathetic Wake Up Lazy People and why can black people give a free pass and privileges to spew racist shit from their mouths?!  If people of all colors just worked together and got song then this world would be a better.  Peace and love!

I’m Dishonest

I’m a dishonest person at times.  I lied about self-harming and if someone finds that out who knows what will happen.  People are also okay with me having a job for the time being.  If I was still in Kalamazoo I’d do whatever I feel like doing, but I’m in an unfamiliar environment.  I need assistance with interviews and preparing.  I know I can do this!  It doesn’t take a genius to do what I’m about to do.  If I’m so smart then why is my life in the state it’s in?  Is it laziness on my part?  Maybe so.  I have potential, but it’s wasted on who knows what.  I’m rebelling what exactly?  Adulthood?!