I’m fed up with this kind of treatment. I feel irritated because of my case worker and because I have no one to turn to. I also wish someone would actually work with me so I can feel better about myself and improve relationships. I’m not who I want to be at all right, but how can I change for the better? I’m stuck and any type of will be appreciated.
I wish I had someone on my side. I have no friends and my family hates me. I don’t see anything changing anytime soon and it depends on you if that’s a good or bad thing. That’s why I don’t know if I should ever make an effort on anything I do. There are people worse off than me that contribute a hell of a lot more than I do. It’s not something that should be on my mind as much as it is though and it’s sad that I compare myself to others as much as I do.
Why do I even talk? No one listens to what I have to say and it really is starting to annoy me. I’m getting lab work done today to get my blood count checked even though I know it’s normal. I tried explaining that I feel fine and don’t need the iron pills, but of course no one believes me and I have every right to be a tad upset. I can’t let it get to me though because it’s not worth it to get annoyed. I’m not going to do something I’ll regret because I don’t feel like it and it’s not worth it anyways.
People say I need to prove that I can be safe. How can I prove it with all of these restrictions placed upon me? It doesn’t make any sense whatsoever. If someone just once listened to what I have to say I’d be a lot happier. That’s impossible though because people are too busy deciding what I can and can’t do. Instead of just letting me live my life. I’m not hurting anybody else and I have no desire to harm myself so why not listen to me for a change?
I’m really beginning to question what’s truly going on. It feels like everyone’s only looking for their best interest and not mine. No one knows what’s best for me and what will make me happy so I won’t waste anyone’s time because no one ever listens to what I have to say. It’s completely unfair on how everyone thinks they can treat me, but I won’t go down without a fight. I’m not as weak as I appear to be. People need to realize that.
I’m confused on something again. It’s something that has been on my mind for a little while now. Why is it perfectly acceptable to treat me like complete shit, but anyone can’t take it when I return the favor? I’m lost and lonely. I have nobody to talk to and my thoughts haven’t been racing so at least that’s one positive. I don’t want to burden anyone with how unsatisfying my life is. All I do is hassle everyone I bump into and that has to end. How can I do that thought?
My wellbeing doesn’t matter. No one is looking out for what’s best for me either. It’s all about controlling my every move. I won’t be happy until I get out of everyone’s grasp. How can I do that though without cooperating for a year? That’s what I have to find the solution to before I snap and do something I’ll regret later. Why doesn’t anyone want me to be happy? That feeling is way past due and I want to experience joy again. I want to so I know how that feels again.