Pointless?

I’ve been thinking.  If I want a job the odds will be against me.  Think about it this way.  I need experience and if I can’t find a job how will I gain some experience?  It defeats the person.  I wish things were easier for me.  I hate working with somebody else to help me obtain a job, but I need someone fighting for me.  It appears I can’t sufficiently fend for myself for interviews.  How pathetic is that?  I just want to find easily without being considered retarded or something else.  I want to be more independent when it comes to that.  Finding a job is the most important thing for me and it should be.  I feel like a parasite.  Leeching off of the government because of my lackluster shortcomings.  Wish me luck I guess.  I’m going to need it.  

Something Needs to Be Done

I need to do something.  I’m tired of dealing with this same old problem day after day.  What can I do about it though?  I keep telling myself I’m not good enough and that needs to change.  It’s just sad that I can’t be satisfied with life.  I have to go to the store to get something to eat, but I tell myself why bother?  Maybe I’m not who I want to be and it shows.  I have to be happy somehow.  How is that possible and how will I get that done?  Who knows, but it does feel like I’m all alone.  I’m tired of being judged.  That’s why I finally shaved today.

Anyone Can Feel Free To Walk All Over Me I Guess

I don’t know if I’m too nice or I just don’t care.  It feels like I’m a doormat and I think it’s time for me to start sticking up for myself.  There’s only so much more of this I can take.  At least I got that jury duty check in the mail Saturday so at least something good came out of yesterday.  Now that I have my clothes it’s time to start looking for work again and get the hell away from everyone.  I know my place and I’m going to give everyone what they want.  A world without me.  I might just listen to music and lay down.  It’s almost 3 o’clock a.m. and I don’t want to sleep until 1:00 or 2:00.  It’s just a matter of figuring out what to listen to.  I’m actually listening to Motionless in White for the first time in a year and I know there’s something better to listen to.  It’s just a matter of figuring out what to settle on.  On a unrelated note my favorite band is having their new album released in North America in a month and that gives me something to look forward to.

Oh Well

I’m a child.  That’s all I’ll ever be.  I brag about doing stupid things and then expect someone else to understand.  I’m going to wish I can manage to move on from this, but then again who am I kidding?  I have to focus on finding a job.  Everything else can wait.  I realize that and maybe I can eventually satisfy certain people.  It’s kind of sad that my grandma won’t see me become a success, but then again at least she doesn’t have to worry about me anymore.  I guess she died this morning, but with the way she acted towards me I guess it doesn’t really impact me that much.