I need to avoid all social media sites because I have no right to speak my mind. Everything I post on Facebook goes completely ignored, but someone can post the most idiotic thing and gets input. I asked if I could see a high school book, but everyone is too good for a retarded bastard like me. I’m tired of not being liked by anyone. I feel completely alone and deactivated my Facebook for good this time. I’m just pissed for not mattering to at least one other person.
Category: people
Why Be Embarrassed?
I’m nervous about anything sexual. I don’t know why I have a hard time with people knowing I masturbate. It’s not something I should be embarrassed about. I’m uneasy about this topic, but I have to touch on this subject to see if I’m alone in this. I’m definitely attracted to women so I guess I’m not asexual. That’s good for me, but I don’t see myself going into a relationship ever. It’s not for me at all. I’m so shy I won’t know what to do anyways. I do wish I had a partner though, but maybe it’s not meant to be. Now or anytime soon. I’m not saying never because I know I’ll change my mind eventually. There’s just one problem. I won’t meet anyone if I secluded myself like I do.
I Don’t Matter to a Single Soul
I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy and carefree, but I have too many worries. Things would be a tad better if I had someone to talk to. I feel completely isolated and I hate it. I’m a good person, but something’s not right. I’m left on my own with barely any skills to get by. Why am I even still here? It’s confusing for me.
Listening to what got me into music. Who is it? Flyleaf’s debut way back in 2006. Time sure does fly.
Danger: Contents Under Pressure!
I need freedom to be happy. Not restrictions! That’s what barely anyone understands. I get worse as I slowly get my freedom taken away and it’s irritating me that nobody sees that. When will someone understand? Likely never because no one ever listens to me. I’m annoyed on how everyone treats me like an idiot and like my rights are nonexistent. I’m just as important as anyone else. Some people just pies me off.
How Can I Regain Much Needed Trust?
No one trusts me anymore. I want to go back to my sister’s place, but certain people think that I can’t keep myself safe. Fuck them! No one knows what’s going on in my head. The truth is that I want to give up on cutting. Anemia isn’t fun and because of that cutting cab make me feel weak. I don’t enjoy that feeling at all. Can I convince at least one person on how serious I am about putting this all behind me? I doubt it.
Things Need to Settle Down
Things have been a little hectic since yesterday, but I will settle down eventually. I’m still upset over how things are for me right now and I have to get over that. I just wish I had at least one person on my side. I’m sure I have at least one or two people on this site, but I mean in person. I’m fighting a losing battle with this case management agency and I’m fully aware of what will happen if I keep doing that to them. They’re be coming over here on Monday, but I’m tempted to do the same thing I did today. Avoid them. I’m just hoping they do a surprise visit tomorrow or Friday. I won’t be here tomorrow because I’m too stressed to be in one place. I also have to stop complaining and actually focus on something positive which is something I haven’t done since I was discharged yesterday. Sigh. I wish I could do more and be happier. I have to get some things under control before I can feel that way. I’m hoping no one visits me this week. I’m not in the mood and I’ll yell at them. That is if I don’t cry first and storm off. They’re a trigger. I didn’t want to admit that, but I guess I have to. It’s sad that we don’t want to work with each other, but we are all forced to. They want to drop me and I want to be dropped. It just sucks that can’t happen.
One Day At a Time 