I need to avoid all social media sites because I have no right to speak my mind. Everything I post on Facebook goes completely ignored, but someone can post the most idiotic thing and gets input. I asked if I could see a high school book, but everyone is too good for a retarded bastard like me. I’m tired of not being liked by anyone. I feel completely alone and deactivated my Facebook for good this time. I’m just pissed for not mattering to at least one other person.
Category: stability
This Isn’t Living
I’m tired of being so lonely, but with this current situation I find myself in there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m in crisis housing and can’t leave the fucking place. It’s unfair and I need some damn freedom! That’s asking for too much. Sorry about this complaining, but I have an unwanted surgery today and I’m forced to go with someone I can’t stand.
I Don’t Matter to a Single Soul
I don’t know what to do. I want to be happy and carefree, but I have too many worries. Things would be a tad better if I had someone to talk to. I feel completely isolated and I hate it. I’m a good person, but something’s not right. I’m left on my own with barely any skills to get by. Why am I even still here? It’s confusing for me.
Listening to what got me into music. Who is it? Flyleaf’s debut way back in 2006. Time sure does fly.
Stupid Mistake
I fractured my right hand in 3 different places on New Year’s Eve and I can’t type right now. I get surgery on the 21st and I’m nervous. This is my first break and my first surgery. The worst part is that I’ll have to be in a cast for about 3 months. It’s in a splint right now and showering is a minor pain, but I’ll deal with it. This is what I deserve for punching a wall as hard as I did. I didn’t know I could punch that hard. I have to prevent myself from doing that in the future.
I Need Stable Family
Why can’t I ever live in a stable household? I’ve been around this stuff growing up and I still have to be around this. I know I wish I could live in a stress free environment, but I have realistic expectations. I’m going to think about this all night. I need to find out why this kind of stuff happens. Then again I think I know. This is why I prefer to be alone than with company. Especially people who throw little tantrums over things that don’t matter. This family is full of junkies and irreverent people. This is not a good time to be feeling like this at all. My self-harm urges are high and I can’t sleep when I’m like this. I’ll just listen to some music and ignore everything else. I crave stability and really hate dysfunctional family. No one can ever tolerate each other and it’s a shame too. Too many hot-headed people and no one can think anything through. I’m the same way, but I’m self-destructive so it really only effects me. I don’t get anyone involved in my drama. That’s why I’m as secretive as I am. I can’t let anyone know what I’m doing.
One Day At a Time 