I Have No Say In Anything

I need to avoid all social media sites because I have no right to speak my mind.  Everything I post on Facebook goes completely ignored, but someone can post the most idiotic thing and gets input.  I asked if I could see a high school book, but everyone is too good for a retarded bastard like me.  I’m tired of not being liked by anyone.  I feel completely alone and deactivated my Facebook for good this time.  I’m just pissed for not mattering to at least one other person.

Worst Decision I’ve Ever Made?

So I agreed to be in intense treatment in 2014 and that backfired completely.  If I didn’t agree to it I’d have a he’ll of a lot more freedom than I do right now.  They fucked my life up.  Now I have no rights at all and it’s unfair.  I don’t get anyone else involved with my life so why the protection?  I don’t need it.  I can take care of myself.  No one believes me though and that’s a serious problem, but I’m powerless to do anything about it.  At least now.  Just one question.  How do I Regain my freedom because I desperately need it?

Listening To: All Shall Perish-  This Is Where It Ends

I Need Stable Family

Why can’t I ever live in a stable household?  I’ve been around this stuff growing up and I still have to be around this.  I know I wish I could live in a stress free environment, but I have realistic expectations.  I’m going to think about this all night.  I need to find out why this kind of stuff happens.  Then again I think I know.  This is why I prefer to be alone than with company.  Especially people who throw little tantrums over things that don’t matter.  This family is full of junkies and irreverent people.  This is not a good time to be feeling like this at all.  My self-harm urges are high and I can’t sleep when I’m like this.  I’ll just listen to some music and ignore everything else.  I crave stability and really hate dysfunctional family.  No one can ever tolerate each other and it’s a shame too.  Too many hot-headed people and no one can think anything through.  I’m the same way, but I’m self-destructive so it really only effects me.  I don’t get anyone involved in my drama.  That’s why I’m as secretive as I am.  I can’t let anyone know what I’m doing.