I need to avoid all social media sites because I have no right to speak my mind. Everything I post on Facebook goes completely ignored, but someone can post the most idiotic thing and gets input. I asked if I could see a high school book, but everyone is too good for a retarded bastard like me. I’m tired of not being liked by anyone. I feel completely alone and deactivated my Facebook for good this time. I’m just pissed for not mattering to at least one other person.
Category: loss
Things Need to Settle Down
Things have been a little hectic since yesterday, but I will settle down eventually. I’m still upset over how things are for me right now and I have to get over that. I just wish I had at least one person on my side. I’m sure I have at least one or two people on this site, but I mean in person. I’m fighting a losing battle with this case management agency and I’m fully aware of what will happen if I keep doing that to them. They’re be coming over here on Monday, but I’m tempted to do the same thing I did today. Avoid them. I’m just hoping they do a surprise visit tomorrow or Friday. I won’t be here tomorrow because I’m too stressed to be in one place. I also have to stop complaining and actually focus on something positive which is something I haven’t done since I was discharged yesterday. Sigh. I wish I could do more and be happier. I have to get some things under control before I can feel that way. I’m hoping no one visits me this week. I’m not in the mood and I’ll yell at them. That is if I don’t cry first and storm off. They’re a trigger. I didn’t want to admit that, but I guess I have to. It’s sad that we don’t want to work with each other, but we are all forced to. They want to drop me and I want to be dropped. It just sucks that can’t happen.
At Any Cost…
It’s 6:39 p.m. and that lazy bastard has still not left. I’m tempted to get my money back and take care of it myself. I don’t understand why no one can do anything for me, but I’m expected to jump for everyone else. This is why I can’t rely on anyone else. What I want doesn’t matter and it likely never will. I want to be happy, but there is no point when nothing ever goes your way. Why did I push so hard to get released? The truth is that I wasn’t ready, but the boredom was getting to me. I wish I knew what the future holds. I’m confused because I hate where I am in life. I don’t want to go “home”, but I don’t have a choice. I wish family was an option, but everyone has given up on me and for good reason. I should just do what I want to do and say oh well. I’m annoyed and tired of being treated like shit all of the time. I want to set up a poll, but those don’t go so well. Not that I’ll take anyone’s opinions to heart. All I care for is me. Well, that’s not entirely true. I don’t even treat myself with respect. Why would I when no one else does? I’m listening to Younger Dreams by Our Last Night. So far so good, but really I don’t have my hopes up on this album. I want to listen to Between the Buried and Me’s album next, but why when I can’t even finish Senses Fail’s last album? I added a whole bunch of stuff to my phone and I’ll choose Our Last Night for now. I have to distract myself from how I’m thinking at any cost because I think I might be willing to lose everything. I also want to thank someone for sticking by me lately even though she doesn’t know how to react to me. I want to thank her for everything.
One Day At a Time 