I feel stronger since I first was admitted here. I’m not entirely a different person, but I have learned a lot since May of last year. What have I learned? That there’s more to life than my selfishness. I also learned that I have to ask for help more. Whether I want to or not. I know that by doing certain things things on my own, I’ll fail before I begin. I’m not too dependent on others. I have also learned to stop people pleasing and do things for myself. Does that make me selfish? Also on an unrelated note! I have over 5000 desperate visitors. I’m doing this on my own, but I’m happy others that have related issues read my blogs ramblings.
Category: improvement
Time to Spread My Wings
It may seem difficult for me to achieve on my own, but I can make this transition pretty much on my own. It’s a bit scary, but I have to take charge over my life. At least what remsins of one. My spirit reminds me of a Phoenix in ways. No matter how badly I put myself down I always pick myself back up again. So I am stronger than I admit to be. My independence is admirable to me. I put myself through a lot the past decade and here I still stand. Nothing can get in my way now. I refuse to budge. Why? I have to rebuild my life. Even if it frightens me. It’s time to pick myself up once more and make myself happy again. That is if I was ever truly happy to begin with. I can’t keep cutting and overdosing and live a productive life. I also have to learn from mistakes for the first time. Is that possible? Yes! I’m more intelligent than I admit myself to be.
Time to Mix It Up
My roommate has personal lubricant. That’s a little odd for me, but I cant be that shocked about it. To be honest I used some today. That was a mistake that I won’t make again. I don’t feel comfortable talking about this subject because of how private I am, but I’m bored and need to mix things up a bit. I might also start doing reviews which will be extremely difficult because of how stupid I am I also shouldn’t put myself down, but I’m just being truthful.
Listening to all 3 Periphery albums and I forgot how much I enjoyed them in the past.
Don’t Know
I’m fed up with this. Someone asked me why I didn’t get tested a.d.d. when I was a youth. Now I know I struggled in school, but I think it was more no motivation and me being uncertain about my future. I still don’t know what I want to do and that worries me slightly. How can I get when I’m clueless about my future? Really tired of this!
Stupid Mistake
I fractured my right hand in 3 different places on New Year’s Eve and I can’t type right now. I get surgery on the 21st and I’m nervous. This is my first break and my first surgery. The worst part is that I’ll have to be in a cast for about 3 months. It’s in a splint right now and showering is a minor pain, but I’ll deal with it. This is what I deserve for punching a wall as hard as I did. I didn’t know I could punch that hard. I have to prevent myself from doing that in the future.
I Get It
I’m trying my best to not let my mouth get me into trouble. I guess that is why I shut my phone off. I should attempt to try to sleep so I can figure out what kind of day it is going to be for me. I’m not going to communicate with anyone so I will not turn my phone on at when I wake up in the morning. I know what some people are going think, but I have to live for myself. I can’t keep attempting to people please all of the time. I think I should be more important than people who don’t even know what kind of person I am. That’s kind of sad that I’d say something like that because I act as if I know what kind of person I am. Well that’s not entirely true. I know exactly what kind of person I am and the sad thing is that no one is ashamed to tell me either. I make people hate me and I think it’s better off that way. I’m a selfish person who takes advantage of everyone. At least I realize that much. Maybe I need to think about actually improving things instead of taking the easy way out. I think I’d be better off.
One Day At a Time 