How Can I Regain Much Needed Trust?

No one trusts me anymore.  I want to go back to my sister’s place, but certain people think that I can’t keep myself safe.  Fuck them!  No one knows what’s going on in my head.  The truth is that I want to give up on cutting.  Anemia isn’t fun and because of that cutting cab make me feel weak.  I don’t enjoy that feeling at all.  Can I convince at least one person on how serious I am about putting this all behind me?  I doubt it.

Do I Deserve Respect?

I refuse to move on for some reason.  I’m scared to take the next step.  I don’t deserve anything because I don’t make an effort.  The truth is that I should be homeless now.  Why waste resources on someone like me?  That’s what I don’t understand.  Even if I wasn’t here things wouldn’t be any better.  I wouldn’t feel worth enough to eat and that’s why my appetite is at the state it is.  I’m used to this.  I guess that’s why I spent the last 3 nights sleeping on the floor.  I’m okay with that.  I put myself through a lot and I shouldn’t have been scared to take the next step.  Why I didn’t allow myself to bleed out is something I’ll never understand.  I have to move on from feeling like that, but I need motivation first.  I hate feeling like an outcast.  That’s why my self-esteem is at the state it is right now.  Finding a job will give my life some meaning, but would I take that opportunity for granted as well like the previous time?  I was so happy to find a job, but that wore off and got stuck in a rut because of what I was doing and how long I was doing it.  I need to do something that plays to my strengths, but what are my strengths?  Am I good at anything worthwhile?