Tired, But That’s Not Enough

I need to sleep.  I’m leaving in 9 hours and I don’t want to be up all night.  If I’m up all night then I’ll likely waste my night on YouTube.  The sad thing is that I deserve this because of a couple of night ago.  It’s times like this when I wish I had something to help me sleep.  I’m a little tired, but that’s not enough to work with to fall asleep.  This is frustrating.  I’m just work through this and hope I get at least 3 hours.  I won’t get that unfortunately.  I can’t get anything over the counter either because it’s almost 1:00 in the morning and no store is open.  At least nearby.  Taking a hot shower is out of the question too which is the worst.  I fucked up the plumbing pretty bad last year by self-harming (too complicated!) and since I started doing that the plumbing has not been working properly about a week after starting.  I know I’m responsible too!  I cause problems for everyone and maybe I need to start cooperating with people.  What I’m doing is not skillful and to be honest I love feeling like this.  I feel like I was 5 years ago and the only difference is that I don’t want anyone I know finding out.  With Thursday coming up I can do it the way I want to and that should bring some much needed relief.  Being alone for the weekend is a little stressful, but I could use the silence.  Just one more thing.  Yes, I’m only leaving for the day to avoid people.  I’m going to leave whatever is necessary here in a easy to find place so I’d be somewhat compliant.  I don’t want anyone to know where I’m going later this morning because I don’t know where I’d be.  I’m going to get my picture taken in the morning and do a long walk home.  I could take the bus, but it’s not winter so it’s not necessary.  If it’s going to rain then that would be different.  It better be sunny and maybe I’ll see some businesses hiring.  I just don’t look forward to today because I hate how I look right now and that picture will be stuck with me for 4 years.  You need a Michigan id card though so I have to get one as soon as possible.