I’m getting out tomorrow. I don’t know where to go, but I don’t really care. Everyone had their chance and now I had mine. Just about everyone is ashamed of me and in a way I don’t blame anyone, but myself. I’m the one responsible for all of this. I’m not the type of person to shift the blame. With the way things have been for the past month it’s pretty amazing I lasted this long. I have all day tomorrow to think about things and I’m going to cut myself off until I come up with a decision. Really all I’m going to do is walk around all over and think. It’s not as if I have anything better to do. I’m not telling anyone about this either because I don’t care. If anyone’s willing to look for me then they can look. I’m tired of living here and I know things will be like this wherever I go. It’s impossible to like me because I push everyone away. It’s not that I don’t trust anyone it’s that I don’t like anyone.
Day: June 3, 2015
Being Here Is Draining
Being here is messing with my mind. I have to get. I know what I’m saying and I’m amazed I lasted this long. I don’t know why I’m doing anything anymore. I want to consider walking out tonight, but I don’t think I’m capable of doing that. I don’t have anywhere to go anyways. I hate my family and I have every right to. I’m treated like an outcast by everyone. I’m tired of getting emotional, but that’s only because of how it makes me look. I’m nothing and maybe it’s time I realize that. I can’t do this any longer. I guess that’s why I treat myself the way I do.
Why Can’t It Be Me?
One of my brother’s friends might die. His apartment caught on fire and I guess he’s unconscious. It’s times like this when I think about why can’t that be me? At least that guy has some sort of life to live and what do I have? I hate this so much, but there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m so damn bored and anxious. I have to find a way to calm myself down. I need to stop wasting my days away and then maybe things will change for the better. I guess that’s why everyone’s giving up on me. I feel like an embarrassment and that will not change any time soon.
One Day At a Time 