Where Should I Start?

Where do I go from here?  I want to be happy, but there are too many obstacles in my way.  I have no job, no friends, no girlfriend, my family is embarrassed of me, and I’m starting to cut again.  I know that’s alot to complain about, but that’s what’s on my mind right now.  I have so much to fix and I don’t know where to start.  What should I tackle first?  I just don’t know where to start.  I’m depressed and bored with life so I don’t think about fixing a single thing right now.

I’m Trapped in This Routine and I’m Tired of It!

Man I’m so tired of living this routine I’m stuck in.  Life has become boring and I don’t know what to do.  That’s why I’m focused on college and volunteering.  Something has to give!  I’m fed up with this.  Nothing exciting ever happens to me anymore and I’m tired of it.  I guess it’s time for some changes so I can finally be happy for once.  I hate feeling depressed, but that’s just me for some reason and I don’t know why.  I think it’s become I don’t care about being alive anymore.

Am I an Intelligent Person?

I’m too intelligent to put myself through this day after day.  I’m not living up to my potential at all and I already know that it’s time to make some necessary changes.  Now is the perfect opportunity to focus on schooling and improve my confidence.  What happened to that innocent boy that I was when I was a chid?  That’s all behind me now at least.  I really do want to be happy and I’m willing to sacrifice all of my benefits to find my soul mate.

I Can’t Lose Sight of My Goals

Cutting has been a part of my life for 4 years now and where am I now? Now don’t get me wrong though.  I’m happy with where am I am in life, but I know I can do more.  A job, going back to school, and finding a girlfriend are stil my 3 main goals.  I can’t lose sight of where I want to be because I know that I am worth it.  I can’t give up though because this is way too important for me and I have to continue moving forward.  Now it’s time!

Is School Right For Me?

I don’t understand something.  Why have I decided to fill out an application to attend college?  Will it make an impact on my life?  I think that it might bring me some good.  I hate this so much!  What am I going to do?  Should I attend college or should I look for a job with the limited skills that I have?  I know that school will make my life better, but I’m reluctant.  I’m just scared right now.  I don’t want to fail.

Should I Let Life Pass Me By?

What ever happened to my self-esteem?  I can’t fail at something if I don’t make an attempt to at least try it.  My father was right and his criticism has really helped me.  I’ve almost made up my mind whether I should continue with my education or just crawl away somewhere and just let life pass me by.  That’s not a quality life to lead though and anyone would be able to tell you that.  I just wish that things were different because I’m tired of living like this.

Will Schooling Benefit Me?

I’m being pressured to go back to school and I don’t know if I’m capable of doing that.  I have low self-esteem and I don’t think that schooling will benefit me.  Why am I even trying to build a life worth living when life isn’t permanent.  We will all die eventually so what’s the point?  I have to distance myself from thoughts like that because I will believe them.  That’s why I want to be more positive.  I just don’t know how to feel like that.

Return to School?

Should I return to school?  That’s the issue that is on my mind right now.  I want to get a job and it seems like higher education will lead me there.  I don’t know what to do and that frustrates me.  Will I make the wise decision?  I don’t know because I think that it’s too late to go back to school.  What am I saying?  I’m only 27.  I still have a long time to work.  I have to make my decision soon.  I know that I won’t make a mistake, but I’m scared right now.  I just don’t know what to do.

There’s Still Alot of Work That Has to Be Done

It’s easy to say what I should have done differently.  I already know that I should have been a better student.  Now I’m not going to blame my performance on anything else, but the concentration just wasn’t there.  Now look at where I am in life.  People think that I’m some pathetic victim that’s not capable of taking care of myself.  How long will this act continue on for?  Will people finally catch on and start questioning whatever I tell them?

Even though I’m not suffering, I know what pain feels like.  I feel helpless right now.  I finally threw away all of my cutting materials and I feel like a new man.  Even though the urge to cut won’t go away I’m hoping that throwing away all of my razors will help lessen the urge at least.  Things just won’t change overnight.  I have alot of work that has to be done.  It’s not a great time to relax.

Life Is Weird

Life is a strange experience.  It just doesn’t make sense to me.  Why do we even live in the first place?  Is there a purpose?  I don’t know and I doubt that I will ever find the answer to those questions.  I just don’t understand it.  Why do I have so many questions that I don’t have answers to?  I guess that is why I have to make a decision whether I should continue with my education.  Maybe I will learn more about life if I make a bigger effort.