I Hate This Treatment

•September 1, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I’m tired of being taken advantage of.  I can’t do anything without someone getting upset with me.  Everyone does this also.  Is that why I’m acting the way I am?  I’m just tired of being treated the way I am.  I want to be happy, but at times I feel as if that’s impossible for me.  I have a lot on my mind and I don’t know how to sort things out on my own anymore.  I have become dependent and that alone scares me.

What Am I Doing?

•September 1, 2014 • 2 Comments

What am I doing with my life!?  I don’t understand how I could be so unhappy.  I need to do things that will bring me joy.  Why?  Life Is short so I might as well do things that will make me happy.  That means finding the right job for me.  If I even know what kind of job will even make me appreciate what I do and don’t have.  I deserve to be happy.  Everyone does.  I want to quit my job because I don’t feel needed.

I Don’t Hate Him

•September 1, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I don’t hate my father.  I just hate his attitude.  Why does he have to treat everyone the way he does?  I can’t become like him.  Why would I want to?  I want to talk to him.  I have to get through to him somehow.  Would he be willing to listen?  I doubt it.  He is extremely important to me, but I hate how he always have to push everyone away.  When he does change it might be too late.  I don’t know if that will be true for me though.  Oh well!

Will Matters Get Worse?

•August 31, 2014 • 1 Comment

I made a decision.  I’m not going to get treatment unless it’s necessary.  My hemoglobin will go low eventually.  I don’t want to wait, but this is something I have to do.  There’s nothing anyone can do about anyways so I have to wait.  I’m not concerned.  At least not yet anyways.  I’m a very patient person.  I just don’t want things to get to that point and for good reason.  What should I do?

Very Tired

•August 31, 2014 • 5 Comments

I feel tired.  I might just lay down the rest of the day.  I have to walk to work tomorrow morning and I have to be well rested.  I don’t know what to do, but I’ll figure it out sooner or later.  The truth is that I’m addicted to cutting again and I know that’s why I’m feeling like I am.  What should I do with my razors because I’m not strong enough to dispose of them myself.  I just want this weekend to end so I can see how much working will help me.

I Work Tomorrow

•August 31, 2014 • 1 Comment

I wish I didn’t work on Labor Day.  That means I have to walk because the buses don’t run.  At least it will help me with finances.  I do appreciate my job.  Why wouldn’t I?  It gives me something to do and that’s all that matters. I do wish I had a more meaningful one though.  I’ve been doing what I’ve been doing for nearly two years now.  I just don’t know what I want to do for a living.  There are many possibilities.

When Will This End?

•August 31, 2014 • 1 Comment

I give up.  It seems like this phase is never going to come to an end because I can’t control these urges.  I’ve been cutting everyday since Thursday and I’m too scared to get treated.  I don’t want my caseworker to know I’m still cutting.  Why do doctors have to call her whenever I visit the er?  I don’t understand it, but then again maybe I do.  She wants me to stop hurting myself, but once I start its difficult to stop.  She needs to understand that.

 
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