What Will Make Me Happy?

•April 17, 2014 • 1 Comment

I don’t know what to do.  I want to give up and let my depression control me.  I have responsibilities so that’s out of the question.  That 2 week absence has caused some tension between myself and the manager in charge.  I’m left with 2 choices.  Either get back on her good side or quit.  If I do manage to find a new job that would be happy to witness.  That means I will have to start over and that is one thing I don’t need.  I have to do what’s best for me.
I haven’t felt like this way in a long time.  I’m hopeful for my future, but at the same time I want to give up.  I know that doesn’t make sense,  but it does for me.  I don’t want to take the hate, but In used to it.  I don’t even know if I want to be happy anymore.  Do I deserve it?  The answer has to be yes because I have a lot of people working on my wellbeing.  I should feel at ease, but I don’t.  I have a lot to look out for right now.

A Life Worth Living?

•April 17, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I’m confused.  I try hard to work things out, but things never go as planned.  I guess all I can do is move forward. Life Is worth living. I just need to find something to keep myself occupied. Boredom controls me.  I don’t understand why.  I don’t like my thought process at all lately.  Do I really want to die that badly?  I don’t know, but then again maybe it should stay a mystery.

What?

•April 16, 2014 • Leave a Comment

It’s Wednesday?  What happened to Tuesday.  That ativan overdose knocked me out for a day and no one noticed.  Why I get people in my family treating me this?  It’s pretty ovbious where I can.  I learned my lesson.  Nonfatal overdoses can be pretty fatal.

Punched the Wall Yesterday

•April 16, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I don’t feel comfortable at work.  My manager is question why I chose to take days off.  If things continue going as they are I will quit.  I don’t want to it because it’s a reckless act.  One I’m not willing sacrifice.  I just want to make things right.  Is that asking for too much?  It has to be, obviously, because no one wants me to shoot

Freedom

•April 14, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I’m finally home.  I can’t put myself through nonsense another time.  I did end up punching a hole in the wall though.  I guess that’s what happens when I feel trapped and angry.  I don’t like that side of me because that’s the way my father would act.  I hate my father because of that very reason.  I want to get closer, but he scares me.  I know I shouldn’t feel that way about my dad.  He’s going to end up pushing everyone away and I cannot have the same happen to me.

I Want Out!

•April 14, 2014 • Leave a Comment

The time is getting closet and closer.  I have so much to do when I return.  The first is hygiene.  Shower, shave, laundry, and make sure I look neat for work tomorrow.  The last thing I have to do is rip 2 cds.  I just want out of here!  Now it’s delayed until this afternoon.  No one understands how much I want to go home.  Oh well.  I have plans.

So Many Questions

•April 13, 2014 • Leave a Comment

I don’t know to act when I get out tomorrow.  I have to keep myself safe and adapt to a healthy lifestyle.  That is if there is a healthy lifestyle.  Two weeks wasted!  I’m not upset with my case worker because I had this coming.  I should be angry with myself and my self-destructive  actions.  Now I’m going to get a new case worker and change is scary for me.

 
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